Explaining the Past Health Issues...Oh my.

I realize that sometimes I didn't explain everything about my health. I am sorry for not explaining well.  Sometimes I thought I was, but I realize I didn't always.

But first, three things before reading.

1.  You ONLY have to read this if you want to know what the health things have been I've dealt with.  I somehow remembered today people asking and me not being very good at explaining in detail.  I felt a little bad about never explaining well.  So here is a detailed sketch.  If you don't want to read, I do not care and I will still love you.

2.  I can write this now because the pain of this experience, both physically and emotionally has been healed.  So it's easier to write about it now.

3.  Actually, there's only two things, not three.  But three things is always more interesting than just two.

Anyway, back to my story.  When pregnant with Mary, I was sick the whole time and the last few months I had bouts of throwing up, diarrhea, etc.  I probably had the stomach flu a lot, but it seemed that every other week at the end of her pregnancy I would have intestinal or stomach issue.  Anyway, I assumed it would all go away when she was born.

Mary was born in May.  The second week after she was born Matthew went out of town.  I was alone with a newborn and Nathan, who wasn't yet 2.  I felt funny.  I couldn't sleep well.  I didn't say much.  I felt sick.  I remember one day my stomach was so strangely upset that I had to call my  mom to come take my kids when Matthew was gone.  Normally, that second week I had been by myself.

Then Matthew got home and things got weirder.  My intestines were doing weird things, but I was so sick I couldn't get up in the nighttime to feed Mary anymore.  I was just too sick.  I didn't know what was wrong.   I thought "Maybe I need to eat healthier, or whatever."  I was in partway denial.  I thought it was leftover baby sickness and would go away.  Now it was two months into Mary being born.  Matthew had to get up every night to feet Mary because I was too sick anymore.  I would wake up with incredible sickness.  It never went away.

Finally after trying acid pills (they seemed to calm my tummy a little, but never went away), my dad was sitting with me in the car one day and told me I needed to take care of this sickness--go to a doctor--do whatever I needed to to get better.  I somehow listened to that and decided maybe I was actually sick and not just trying to recover from pregnancy.  I went in and they found out I had a stomach infection.  I probably had this infection for some time and it had caused some damage.  Anyway, they gave me medicine for 14 days.  He said I wouldn't throw up probably, because I felt like I would most of the time.

I went home, took the medicine, and threw up all night long and other stuff.  Morning came and I was too sick to take my next dose.  I called the doctor.  He said I HAD to keep taking it and gave me medicine they give to chemotherapy patients to hold your stomach in--to keep it from throwing up.  I took the medicine.

The stomach and the medicine had a battle.  My stomach hurt so much from contracting when I'd take the medicine and I'd feel sick, I spent a lot of the time by the toilet.  I couldn't eat much.  I was pale, weak, dehydrated.  I didn't even know what was going on or what to say to people.  I didn't see any people though because I couldn't make it to church or even outside really.  After the medicine was over, I still felt just as horrible.  The doctors thought I should feel better by now.

They took X-rays and said it looked as though a tornado had ripped through my stomach and intestines and it would take months to heal.  They gave me medicine.  I sensed no improvement.  The nauseusness and the diarhea were every day, with no break.  Even at night.  After a few months of this with a newborn and a young child, they sent me to a specialist.  He first tested my digestive issues.  I had to go on some weird diet for a few days and test things like lactose and fructose.

The tests weren't fun since I was already sick.  They found I was fructose intolerant.  That's in fruit, juices, a lot of sugary items, whole wheat breads, etc.  Dang.

I had an ultrasound on my gallbladder at the hospital.  It came back normal, nothing to worry about anyway.

I then had a colonoscopy.  That was a nightmare taking the diet and test.  For two days nothing but liquids.  Since I couldn't drink juice, I could only have chicken broth and this one kind of gatorade for 48 hours.  I felt very weak and like I would pass out most of the time.  Then they gave me the drink to clear me out for the test.  I was pretty miserable that night and during the test.

I had a few little ulcers in my intestine.  One of the ulcers is in places where people with Chrohn's disease and Colitis have ulcers.  I tested negative, but still had an ulcer there.  The doctor didn't understand that.  I also have a big intestine and it does a huge loop, causing more complications for me I'd say.  Also, during the test my heart skipped some beats.  He sent me to a heart doctor and was very concerned about that.  I wore a heart monitor for 48 hours.  It came back normal.  My heart was probably skipping beats because I was extremely depleted of some electrolytes and minerals. 

Well during this time I had pain everyday in that place in my abdomen where the ulcer was--for about a year.  I couldn't do situps, etc.  It hurt too much.  Sometimes vacuuming was painful.  I had the colonoscopy in October.  I was still nauseus every day and very weak and sick.  I had even passed out in the temple where my brother-in-law was getting married.  Embarrassing.

Well, my stomach was hurting a lot as well.  (And I still had a little baby to take care of!!)  I would get stomach pain so bad that I had to stay in bed for a few days.  It felt as though my stomach would rip if I moved.  It was excruciating to move.  If I lied down, it was tolerable.  The doctors and I thought maybe I had another infection, so they gave me another round of antibiotics.

I threw up all night, but this time, I couldn't eat anything for a day or two.  This time was worse.  They tried another medicine right away, and I threw up again right away.  That week of medicine I thought I would die.  I didn't go into the hospital for IVs, but looking back, it's a miracle for throwing up until there wasn't even green stuff left and not being able to drink for a day or two, that I lived.   And I am grateful!

Well, after a few more months of great discomfort, my wonderful doctor wanted to help me because I was still so sick.  Now my stomach was still nauseus and I would have bad bouts of stomach pain, but the nauseusness was now a little better.  However, I had passed out a few times and would shake.  My jaw would chatter and I couldn't even stand up by myself.  Everyday I was so weak, but during these moments I couldn't even walk myself.  I still had pain in my abdomen area.  Fun huh?

He took me to the hospital to do an upper stomach scope.  That was fun too.  He diagnosed me with acid reflux disease (which I have today) and have to learn to live with, in part because of how my body is made up.  If I sit up straight too long, I can have stomach problems because it's hard on my stomach.  I still have that and have learned how to manage it so that most of the time it's not too much of a problem.  It just is always there.

Then I had a CAT Scan.  That was fun as well.  Not painful, but I could barely make it in there because I was so weak.  Cat Scan was normal--a little extra fluid in my abdomen area--they thought maybe I had an ovarian cyst that burst sometime?  It was a guess.   During this time (the spring) I had passed out a few more times because of weakness.  Things were not looking good.

I was doing everything I knew how to do--praying, I had blessings, my parents had my name in the temple, etc.  I was eating the best I knew how--which took a long time to learn things that helped or made me worse because of my acid reflux, my fructose intolerance, etc.  I was dehydrating a lot.

One time I passed out and was shaking and thought I would die.  They took me to the emergency room and gave me 3 IVS.  The next day I could actually stand a little bit and walk around for a short time!!!

This was now a year since I had Mary. 

Also I had strep throat and the medicine made me throw up all night, I realize now I CANNOT have penicillin.  Then I went into the doctor and they gave me a shot of medicine and I passed out.  It was probably a sight to other patients!

I then, besides other blood tests, had a gland test at the hospital.  Again, I had to fast, and I felt like I could barely walk back there.  They shoot some cortisol or some drug into me and took my numbers.  After they shot that in, I felt a little better!  My numbers came back, each time for the few hours I was there, abnormal.  I was points out of the normal range.  I had actually felt good about taking this particular test.  It was for my adrenal gland.  The doctor didn't know why it was abnormal....he said I must have been just stressed, but actually when I took the test, I was more calm than normal!  And I shouldn't have been out of the range that much for each hour I thought and still think.

Anyway, my regular doctor sent those tests to another doctor and I went into a gland specialist for a little while.  He didn't know why my scores were out of the range either, but he did find I was severely low in vitamin D.  I had been having such bad lower leg pain,  (because I wasn't absorbing calcium because i was too low on vit D) quite regularly this entire year this other stuff was going on.   I often couldn't even walk on my legs during those painful times.  I had to put them in the air and try not to move.  With everything else going on, I wasn't loving the leg problems.  He put me on very high doses of Vitamin D.  The medicine made me sick, so I went off.  I took lower doses of Vitamin D and my legs have gotten a lot better.

THEN the ward fasted for me.  The bishop came to me one day and said he felt impressed that they should.  I won't get into that conversation because it was very personal, but I was hesitant to say yes to that!  I didn't want that many people fasting for me.  Also, I had been doing EVERYTHING I could in the last year, prayers, blessings, etc.  I didn't want to waste anyone's fast.  That sounds bad, but it wasn't that I was out of faith--I just thought I've been sick for so long and had blessings.  Is this going to make a difference?  But the Spirit told me to say yes.  So I did.

Then my sister called me and told me of her chiropractor who has passed out a few times, one time when he was at work!!  The doctors couldn't help him, so he went to a natural healer person and they told him he had a weak or sick adrenal gland.  There were some herbs he took.

I took them--for a year even though they said like a month or two.  I felt like I should and I actually felt a small improvement immediately after starting, but the healing was very slow.

I have gotten a little better every month since then and since the ward fast!  Very SLOWLY.  My weakness has been so bad I can't go to the store with my kids.  I've had to accept the fact I can't do everything I want to.  I have to accept saying no to others.  I have to put up with some people not understanding, but many, and most people have been very understanding and compassionate.  I have had to learn what it is like to be misjudged and have people even be upset with you for things you can't do.   It hurts, but you realize that Savior did it and He can help you through it!  But many people are very understanding!   I am SO grateful for some of those people who didn't realize how their kindness affected me.  Some of the smallest things, and truly sincere, made a huge difference and helped pull me through when I felt that I had nothing left to get to the next day.  I have tried to let them know.

I now know what suffering is like.  Before this, I had only experienced, to a greater degree, what living is like, even though I had my trials before this health trial.  I was not perfect in this trial, because I didn't know what was going on most of the time or what to do.  I didn't feel happy about everything that happened at the time and didn't love the suffering, even though I strived hard to be patient and humble.   But I did LEARN.  And I think Heavenly Father is very happy about that.  He loves me. 

So now????   I am so much better.  Yes, I still struggle.  I can't go two or three hours without eating or I will get too weak and sometimes start to shake a little.  I can't have too much sugar in general.  I can't eat fructose because it makes my intestines sick.  I have to watch my acid reflux disease and watch what I eat for that and how much fiber and even how I sit!!  I have to do MUCH LESS and accept that.  I have to learn to do that everyday.  But also, I feel MUCH better overall!!  I am so grateful for that!!

And you know what?  I am HAPPY.  I am grateful for my blessings.  I am grateful for my little kids and even though they can make life stressful, I am so grateful for the chance to be a mother.  And even more than that, I am grateful for the confidence my Heavenly Father has in me in being able to learn from my sickness and have kids at the same time.  And you know what?  He still amazes me.  There's still so much to life, so much to live, so much to learn!!  And I am excited for all of that!!  What a blessing to be here.  What a blessing to have the gospel of Jesus Christ and to know of the Savior's love for you and His atonement so you can have eternal life too.  How much He loves us.  Each of us.

That's all.  I don't really know how to end this, so,

The End.