My thoughts written out while holding sick John.

Our life can be utterly crazy.  Seriously.  I realize how blessed we have been and feel so grateful.

I also realize there are trials at all stages of life, no matter how much you wish, plan, and try not to have them.  They just come anyway!!  (I realize you smart people know that...:)

The trick, I am realizing, is just to rely on Heavenly Father and let his strength get you through.

For us, when Matthew gets home, and it's been crazy usually before he gets home, we finally cook dinner, do dinner with us helping almost everyone else and not having a relaxing time too much.  The twins, or usually one of them screams a lot of the time, throws their food, then the twins are a mess, and there's all the stuff to clean up and we're tired!  Trying to cook before he comes home is too hard when two little boys flop around my feet.  Sometimes we do it anyway, but with Eli now, too, sometimes we just wait.  We give the twins bath, Mary and Nathan sometimes, read scriptures, do prayer, brush teeth, finish with homework, put people in jammies, and then get them in bed.  Sometimes there are fights about things.  We are tired and there's still dishes to do, laundry, etc.

I get some laundry done lately through the day, but I am still really busy, going from one baby to the next, to the next diaper, fight, stomach ache, etc.  I don't mean to make it all sound bad.  It is busy, but it is also something we are used to...in a strange way.  James screams a fair amount.  And loudly.  John gets into almost everything he and climbs on things.  The twins fight.  Eli needs food.  Mary wants snacks.  Nathan causes other types of chaos when he comes home.

Mommy is tired. 

But it's okay.  Life is good.  I am not exactly where I want to be yet in some areas, but I know I am exactly where I am meant to be.

I know Heavenly Father blesses us in so many ways.  We have food to eat.  A house to live in.  A yard for the kids to play in.  Cars.  A job.  Wonderful family and friends--who we wish we could see both more!

I feel good.  My health is pretty good--physically.  I have had a lot of stress for a lot of years and I am learning to deal with it.  I know that we were supposed to do these things--have the twins, move, even though it has been quite stressful at times.

I realize I am getting stronger.  I can take care of five kids!  But there are still some trials that I have to work on, and no matter how hard I try, learn, and pray, don't go away easily.  I have realized that is when you just do your best to enjoy life AS IT IS and be grateful!  Man, I wish...I wish...but sometimes I am relearning Heavenly Father blesses you and does bless you with what you need, and doesn't take away our trials.

I have a great husband.  Matthew is quieter, but focuses on the important stuff--family.  He comes home happily almost every day, and helps me the entire night until the kids are in bed.  He helps me clean the house.  He takes Mary and Nathan on kid outings and tries to find excuses to go take them to ice cream...He goes to school stuff and doctor appointments and takes me out when I don't want to go out alone.  He does most of the grocery shopping.  He does his home teaching.  He supports me and encourages me to do things for myself.  He is kind.  We are starting to become more like each other...which is kind of weird when you start noticing expressions or sayings or habits you do that is more like your spouse's.

There are some people that I feel don't get noticed enough for their simple goodness.  When I say simple, I don't mean weak or not as amazing, etc.  They just go about doing simple, good things.  My mom is one of them.  So is Matthew.  So are some friends up here I have.  That always impresses me perhaps more than anything else and it a really good example to me.  I admire it greatly.

My family is great.  Matthew also has a great family.  What a great support system.  This really was just a more random post, but it gave me a chance to write my thoughts out.