Fuss, fuss, and gratitude

First of all, I don't intend to fuss.  Or I don't feel fussy at the moment.

I made a complaining jar job that if the kids fuss/complain too much I make them pick a job out of the jar.  I tried to make the jobs ones we don't always do as normally, like wash some baseboards here or there, wash doors, etc., things like that.

I often give the kids too many chances before I make them pick out of the jar I think.

Next, something I am really striving to do, not worry whether life is unfair.  Not judge my worth on what I perceive as fair or not, at times.

There are things that I have felt bad about in the past because there were things I really wanted/expected/desired/assumed would/might happen, etc.  I also, in truth in the past, sometimes assumed that people would treat me the same way I would treat them!  I didn't mean that in a bad way, I just assumed they would show me they cared about me in the same way.  Yeah, I hope I am making sense.

Anyway, life just isn't fair.  In one way or another.  There were times when people completely misjudged me, didn't seem to be there for me during hard times as much (maybe they really were and I just kind of felt that way...don't know...) but the point is it doesn't matter.  There HAVE been times when people have been there and have blessed me!  I don't mean in any way to belittle that at all!  My point is that there are always things that are unfair.  I could write a number of things that have happened to me, as I assume we all could.

And sometimes when we are going through hard things, we just need someone to say, "That is hard.  You are doing great.  I am sorry."  Or validation!  Validation feels so nice sometimes!  But sometimes we can't expect it or assume we will get it all the time.  But sometimes we will.

I have decided to try to be nice to others, be friends, forgive and love others as much as I can without assuming they are going to do anything in return.  I always knew this, but I am trying to live it even more.  I want ME to be like that, Christ-like, and I don't want to hold alterior motives in my heart.  Some examples for me personally.  If I want to "like" something on facebook even when that person hardly ever or ever likes my stuff, then I will like it and not be mad.  If I don't want to, I don't want to do it.  If I want to call a friend, I will call them, and if they don't call me back or talk to me, then fine.  If I have called a friend, family member twice or more in a row, I try not to feel like I am making more of an effort.  I know that sounds silly, but not just in calls, but in anything.  You never know what is going on with people in their lives.  We can just assume the best.

If I feel like someone has slighted me or is backing off in some way, I try not to judge and I try to assume the best and not be offended.  I know there are times in my life when I haven't been as giving back, not because I didn't appreciate or want the friend, etc., but because of circumstances in my life that made it more difficult.  And if people just don't want to be my friend for some reason, then they are missing out because I am awesome.  You know it.

Okay, I am kidding about me being awesome, but honestly, without joking, we are all different.  We just can't know, we can't make things happen, we can choose what we are going to do.  I am trying to be like that--to love and not hold a tally on how much I have done and how much they have done, but just be more Christlike.  I am not perfect.  Ask my kids.  Scratch that--don't ask them. haha.

I want to forgive others.  Sometimes when I've held a slight hurt in my heart and then later whenever, and things get better, I realize how silly it was, how much better it is to enjoy the family/friend or whatever the relationship and just get over it.  No matter what the reason or cause.  I don't feel like I have had a lot of those, I hope, but even really little things, I am trying to do my best.

And of course, I can't expect myself to always be perfect.  I won't be.  But I will keep trying to do my best.

If someone gets to go on five dates in a row and I haven't gone in one for.....however long, I will just be happy for them.  And try to go on my own dates.  And BY THE WAY, we went on four dates in a row just a bit ago!  We took Eli with us for two of them, but they were fun and it was so nice to go out.  I called a babysitter and Matthew even did too!  Hopefully we can keep going.  I am not sure if the five kids wore her out, but we are still trying to figure all that out, but it is working mostly and that is fun.

Another example.  This is just one of many.  A neighbor who was around my age who had twins that were Mary's age, a boy and a girl, and another 18 month old boy was always trying to help me out.  She invited Mary (and Nathan sometimes) over to play a number of times.  She told me they could call them when we went to the hospital.  She brought my family dinner when we went to the hospital and watched the kids for a bit until my Mom got there.  She invited us over a few times (which we couldn't go any of the times for one reason or another, but she tried), and she watched the kids when I went to doctor appointments.  She told me I could send the kids over if I needed a nap.  It was hard for me to give back to her at that time.  I had twin 1 year olds and you guys with kids, and those without, probably know what that is like, and I was pregnant and wasn't always feeling very energetic or well, and two other kids and everything.  But she was kind each time and didn't expect me to reciprocate.  There are many people like that.  And I have some great friends here too that have been wonderful and deserve a shout out as well!

I appreciate everyone so much.

I realize I want to be kind because I want to be like that, not because I want to expect others to be like that back, but because I want to be like the Samaritan who when he saw someone in need, he didn't turn away.  And because I just want to love others.

And sometimes I know people are kind back to you when you are nice, but sometimes you can be nice and serve others and still feel like you are left alone and alone.  That is when I want to say and not be upset that life is unfair.  Because sometimes it is.

Thanks you guys for your awesome example.  I watch you.  (not in a scary way...hopefully :) and love your guts.

P.S.  I also believe all this applies to yourself as well.  We all make mistakes.  Forgive yourself.  I am trying to do this for myself as well.  Sometimes that can be hard, but it is also important.

Also, I don't want this to feel like too much to do or be or too much expectation.  We can't expect to be perfect, like I said already, but it's just something I have thought about a number of times before.