One Night

One night when I was pregnant with Eli I was struggling.  I had been struggling for a while.  We were in the rental house and I was new and my parents had moved and, etc., etc.  I won't go on with that, but the trial I had been experiencing was very difficult and one that I wanted to have more support with, by just letting people know and knowing that they supported me.  It was such a simple thing, yet I didn't know how to tell people about my struggle.  It might sound a little silly now, but sometimes when you go through hard times, at the time, I think, it can be hard, I don't know if it's true for everyone, but it was for me during that time.  Matthew was asleep and I was awake, laying in bed.  I didn't want to feel like I burdened others by telling them of my trial, I also didn't know if I wanted to let people know, but I really wanted their support--to feel it. 

Matthew started to almost hyperventilate in his dream or something--which is not like him at all to do that--and I was quite startled and taken aback.  I shook him awake, and asked if he was okay.  He said he was and went back to sleep--I felt a very powerful feeling of love for him and the desire to help him if he needed it, I just didn't know what to do for him, but if he asked me, I would do it, because I loved him.

I felt that was a symbolic lesson for me--at least the feeling of love.  I felt it was to teach me, remind me, that I was loved that much and people would help me because they loved me--or that I was loved that much.

Just knowing that helped some, and I felt as I wrote this, that perhaps it was the most important reminder for me, how much I was loved, because I didn't go out and tell people any differently, but I felt as I wrote this, that perhaps the most important thing in that was for me to know how loved I was.

It doesn't always help things to be easy, and life can still be hard, but I know that we are worth so much to our Father in Heaven.  He loves us and so do many others I believe.