YEAH, I know what hard is! You don't, you wacko! Oh wait...life just slapped me in the face

My previous post made me think of writing this. Just the other day I was commenting to Matthew that since I have not yet been translated, there are probably about a thousand things I need to do better and learn yet. It's helpful to know that most everyone I know hasn't been yet...Anyway, so what I am writing doesn't mean I know everything or even think I do, it's just my thoughts about it :)

Growing up, okay, I'll admit that when people started telling me about some of their struggles, whether they be health or whatever, I patiently listened, but kind of wasn't feeling patient inside...I hope someone else can relate and I am not the only person like that. I never really complained about stuff to others. I wasn't going to be like "that." I still believe strongly in not complaining, by the way...but what I'm talking about is something different.

But I was healthy. I could play soccer, basketball, I ran track. I wasn't in pain. I had a few leg problems growing up with my hips, but they weren't anything too severe or anything.

However, after this last health trial I learned a lot. It was truthfully a traumatic experience for me. It was harder than anything I could even IMAGINE for myself. I can't explain that in words. It just was. However, some others looking at my experience might have said "What was the problem? Why did she struggle so much with that? I don't get it..." I didn't have a "diagnosis" except for an infection, an intolerance, and a few little problems with my digestive tract. It wasn't like SERIOUS. But whatever it was, it was causing a lot of problems for me.

It's kind of like people who say "I don't get why she is struggling with that one child!" There are lots of new moms who hear things from people about what they might be doing wrong, etc. The people who tell them that usually had a DIFFERENT experience with their own kids. That's what I mean. Every experience, whatever it is, is different for everybody. Of course we all know that. But a move, a new child, a job change, might hit somebody harder at one point in their life than somebody else. I believe God designs it that way personally. But sometimes we are judgmental of others. I was talking to my sister about this. People were saying to someone "I could get my kid to sleep...I did this...or why is is so hard for you when your husband goes out of town with a newborn? I could do it..."

But you aren't them. I can sum it up best using someone I know really well. They have a few kids now, but their first kids they breastfed. They adamantly believed in breastfeeding and even said tiny little comments about others who weren't, that they weren't trying hard enough, doing it right, etc., etc. I'm not saying what is the right thing, by the way. But this person just had another child and for YEARS they had no trouble breastfeeding, but they had some troubles with this one! It was so interesting to see the attitude change once they had actually gone through the struggle. I even heard her say "I have changed my attitude, I never understood before..."

So, when I had my health trial, a few people weren't all that understanding, and a lot of people didn't know how to help me. Most were, of course. But some changed the subject drastically when I started talking about it. Or they downplayed what I was going through. Or they told me things weren't that bad...all the wrong things to say when someone is going through a hard time.

I learned:

1. That some people won't care or understand. At first this was hard for me to grasp. Didn't they love me? Didn't they know I had to talk to heal? I needed healing...I had been through a very difficult time. But they didn't get it. They didn't understand that completely--some of them.
However, I finally came to the understand after talking with others who did understand that people who haven't gone through those things DON'T understand. Some of them aren't trying to be mean or say the wrong things. They just don't know HOW to help you. They don't understand because they haven't been through it.

2. That when someone is suffering, don't be casual, careless, or ignore the situation. That never helps, and in fact, can be more harmful than good. You don't have to have anything profound or deep to say, but just sincerely saying "I am sorry, that's hard, can I help?, I love you, what is the hardest part?, you're doing a great job, can I give you a hug?" etc. is sometimes all you need to do! Just listen! Just care! Those are all healing things!

So that was the only point. People who went through difficult suffering, even if it wasn't exactly what I went through, were the most compassionate. I was amazed at how suffering in others made them more compassionate to me. It really works! Meaning that suffering makes you more compassionate! I feel blessed to have had a number of people who have had some kind of trial and were able to relate, in part, to what I had gone through.

The only other thing that I learned was something absolutely fantastic. And this was rare. There were some who HADN'T gone through a health trial to a difficult degree, but they were still one hundred percent compassionate! They listened and didn't tell me what I could have done better, how it wasn't that bad, or down played it. It was an amazing. I was impressed. They are in the group of being some of the most Christ-like people ever. They taught me a lesson and inspired me. Because they didn't have to understand or go through it to have perfect love. Wow.

Now I listen to others problems and for the most part, what they say doesn't bug me! (when they aren't just trying to be negative of course) I know they aren't "weak" or "weird" or whatever when they need to talk. In fact, people who listen and can stand it have a great gift and a strength to them. I respect them and admire that gift greatly in others because I think it is rare and hard to develop. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to learn these things. If my trial was just so easy and nothing was hard so I didn't have to struggle with anything, I wouldn't have learned it.

Only a few people, or maybe none, will actually read this, but it's something that I have been pondering and learning for a long time, so I was glad to write it down somewhere. Maybe it should have gone in my personal journal...but then no one else would know that I can write things this long. Oh...you knew that?...