I thought my life would turn out a lot differently when I was a teenager--and in college. So many things have surprised me. I have been really blessed, but I thought I would be totally involved in the community, church, and with friends. I never expected to feel so lonely at times, to be confined to my house, and to not even be able to go to the store by myself. It has been harder than I expected. But THAT has taught me more than I could have imagined. There are so many of you who have been great examples to me in your own lives and in trials you've faced, or just in the person you are.
I am writing this out of gratitude to the Lord. He knows me better than I know myself. The pain has blessed me, has changed me. I know He has always been there. I know He has ALWAYS loved me and is proud of me, even when sometimes I don't feel that way about myself. That makes me happy. I guess going through sickness has opened up my mind to things I would never have understood. I was and my personality type tends to be very judgmental: stop complaining, and get the job done! I am grateful to be humbled, to realize my and others need for dependence at times. I am grateful to learn that all talk of such things is not complaining, but a need for healing. I guess by not being healed completely in all things right away has constantly reminded me of the need for charity to others, to understand long-term problems, and to produce greater compassion to those around me, and to learn about the Savior more. So perhaps God does know what he is doing with me, even when I feel like screaming I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! I love the quote I heard on Deseretnews a few months ago in an article: "On the good days you live and on the hard days you learn."
Sometimes life is about living and sometimes it is about learning.
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