I'm not that good...

I realize that in my life I haven't tried to do some things because I have felt that I am not that good at it.  There are some things I have tried to do because I like them and have felt good at them.

I remember in college thinking about doing English or writing but immediately dismissing the idea because I felt that I wasn't good enough.

And I am not an exceptional writer.  But I LOVE stories.  I love to make them up.  I love to write.  I remember sitting at the old, small computer my family had and writing stories I made up, sometimes writing many pages for a ten year old!  I didn't do it because someone told me to.  No one else in my family was really writing stories.  I just did it because it was fun.  In Elementary school when the authors would come I remember how much I loved that and wanted to be an author.  I still remember one author looking at the start of one of my stories and telling me I had done a good job or something.  I think we all have things like that that we remember!

After I left BYU, I eventually enrolled in the Writing Bachelor of General Studies Bachelor's Degree and emphasized in Creative Writing.  I loved it.  I am not a perfect writer by any means.  I know that.  But I also know if I never write I will never get better and hardly anyone in the world just is a great writer at the start.  No one really is.  Some have some natural talent and there are a handful in the world who just have exceptional talent.  I don't believe I am one of those.  But I keep trying because I like it and I don't want to stop doing something I love because I am not good at it.  So I have written a few books (not published) and I have started a number of other ones that I don't know if I will ever finish!

This goes beyond just writing though.  I remember my other siblings were very good at art, like my sister was chosen to paint on the wall of her high school and my brother got an art scholarship, etc., etc.  I was probably the worst artist in the family that way.  For fun growing up, my siblings wanted to get together and have "drawing" time.  I remember these events without much fun.  They would grab their pencils and paper and sit and draw.  I would often join just to be around them and hang out with them, but I really didn't feel like I had vision, or talent.  So I have never really called myself an artist.

Well, I have recently enjoyed making cakes.  I told Matthew I wanted to try even though I know I'm not good at it.  I told him "I'm not really an artistic person, but I want to do it anyway."  He said:  "Becky, don't say that about yourself.  You are an artist."

Now, I am not saying he is totally correct there, but it made me think....maybe I should think of myself differently.  I have decided to try to do it once in a while even though I am not that good at it YET I believe and I don't want to not do things I want to because of worrying how many people are better at it than I am.

There.  Now I am going to change some smelly diapers.  And I am pretty good at that.